Are There Healthy Alternatives to Porn for Teens? A Question Parents Ask

Recently we received a thoughtful question from a family therapist and parent about helping her teen learn healthy sexual habits:

“One question I'd love your take on is how to help kids find healthier alternatives to watching porn that can accompany masturbating (for teens that are not in any romantic or physical relationships yet), other than simply envisioning someone that turns them on. 

"I want to be a realist and not promote simply ‘shutting down’ finding ways to get turned on that are not porn.”

It’s an honest question—one that acknowledges both the flood of hormones in adolescence and the importance of promoting healthy alternatives to pornography use. Here’s our response:

First things first–let’s talk about how masturbation reinforces porn addiction in teens

Before we make any suggestions for healthier alternatives, let’s acknowledge this parent’s instinct that pornography use is harmful to her teen. Porn use changes attitudes and behaviors and is associated with poor mental health, even higher rates of suicide.

Next, it’s important to recognize that porn plus masturbation is what makes pornography so addicting. It’s like adding fuel to the fire. The entire point of viewing porn is for sexual arousal. 

And once a teen pairs porn with masturbation, the desensitization begins. More extreme content is needed to achieve the same level of arousal. In fact, this escalation is one of the hallmarks of the addiction cycle. The user needs to keep upping the ante–to continue to find either more novel material or more extreme content. Or both. That’s because the brain adapts quickly to stimulation and develops what scientists call “tolerance.” 

This characteristic of escalation to feed an addiction is what has driven the porn industry from publishing nude centerfolds in magazines to streaming millions of violent, degrading pornographic videos that are easily accessible online.

Related: The Truth About Porn’s Effect on Teen Brains You Need to Know

Why switching to “soft porn” doesn’t work

So although it might seem obvious to simply recommend masturbating to less egregious content or “soft porn”, what we’ve learned is that approach simply doesn't work. 

Think about someone addicted to alcohol. You wouldn’t recommend they scale back from hard liquor to only beer or wine coolers. Any alcohol puts them right back on the slippery slope to overconsumption. It’s the same with those who habitually masturbate to porn. 

Simply switching to “softer” content doesn’t break the underlying neurological and behavioral patterns that fuel the addiction.

One of our readers shared with us that as a teen he only masturbated to underwear catalogs–no hard core porn videos. Eventually, this habit led to him to sneak into his sister's room one night and touch her inappropriately while (he thought) she was sleeping. Even seemingly innocent or “soft” porn can have damaging effects when combined with the reinforcing nature of masturbation.

Related: Sibling Sexual Trauma: 7 Myths That Endanger Children & Disempower Parents

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Masturbation’s effect on the the brain’s reward system

Research on masturbation shows that it overproduces dopamine and underproduces endorphins, leaving the person wanting more but enjoying it less. This is another attribute of addiction and it’s called the “want/like split.” 

Users want their drug, but they don’t like it. In addiction science, this means the person feels a strong drive to seek and repeat the behavior (the want), even though they no longer find it pleasurable (the like).

For example, a user may want to view and masturbate to violent porn, but doesn’t like it–and is even ashamed that this material is arousing. With an addiction, the user is driven by the overproduction of dopamine to want and to seek, with very little feeling of satisfaction as a result. But low satisfaction leads to more and more seeking for novel or extreme pornography.

Related: How Porn Corrupts the Brain’s Reward System: Neurosurgeon Explains

‍Why quitting masturbation helps teens recover from porn

In fact, for people who want to quit porn, it’s recommended that they quit masturbating. You can see that advice in a variety of recovery groups dedicated to helping people overcome porn by abstaining from masturbation altogether and allowing their brain to reset.

👉 Need help beginning conversations? Our guide, My Kid Saw Porn—Now What?, offers clear next steps, conversation prompts, and a SMART plan to restore trust and build resilience.

Related: Do You Know Why Kids Masturbate? Therapist Gives 5 Reasons and Top Tips for a Healthy Response Plan

Masturbation can undermine healthy sexual relationships

Finally, masturbating teaches the brain that sex is a “solo sport”—which doesn’t prepare the person for a healthy sexual relationship with another person. 

This might be a stretch, but consider this figure skating analogy. Imagine asking two Singles champions to skate together in a Pairs competition. Despite being extremely talented and skilled as solo competitors, they would probably fail, not knowing how to work so closely with another skater. 

And while we don’t want to add any shame to the practice, we also don’t shy away from advocating for teaching a child sexual self-discipline. We believe the science supports that  teaching children to avoid a habit of sexual self-stimulation will better prepare them to enjoy a healthy sexually intimate relationship when it's time.

To sum up, we believe

• Masturbation drives a porn addiction.
• Porn addictions usually escalate to seeking more novel and extreme material.
• Deescalating to something less arousing than porn seems implausible and doesn’t support what we understand about the neurological cycle of addiction. 
• A habit of masturbation does not prepare a person to enjoy a partnered sexual relationship as the two experiences are very different. 
• Teaching children sexual self-discipline leads to a healthier future free from sexual addiction. 

We believe that helping kids understand the risks—and the benefits of developing self-control—will empower them to choose long-term well-being over short-term gratification.

Want to raise porn-resilient kids? Start early with Good Pictures Bad Pictures—the Amazon best-selling book that teaches kids what porn is, why it's harmful, and how to reject it.