Top 4 Myths About Giving Kids Smartphones: How to Navigate Parent Peer Pressure

Feeling pressured to buy your child a smartphone? Your child may be begging for one. But just as often, the pressure comes from other parents. 

They may warn that delaying a smartphone will lead to:

• a technological disadvantage
• social isolation
• difficulty communicating with parents, coaches, and peers
• a “kid-in-the-candy-shop” overreaction when access is finally allowed.

But a smartphone is more than a convenient way to call home. It provides private, portable access to pornography, strangers, disappearing messages, sextortion, and other dangers—well before they have the knowledge or maturity to handle them safely.

Waiting gives parents more time to give kids a defense against these complex and tricky dangers.

So how often do parents actually regret waiting? 

Social psychologist and author Jonathan Haidt, along with Harris Poll CEO Will Johnson and researcher Zach Rausch, surveyed 1,013 parents of children under 18. Their findings, shared in the New York Times article We Don’t Have to Give in to Smartphones, revealed a familiar story: Many parents gave in and gave their children smartphones not because they thought they were ready. They gave in because they felt pressured.

Among parents who had given their child a smartphone, 39% said they would have preferred to wait but felt they had to because so many of their child’s friends already had one. That number rose to 54% for social media. 

Yet parents who wait appear much less likely to regret their decision than parents who give in too early.

Nearly one-third of parents whose children used social media believed they had allowed it too young, and 22% felt the same about smartphones.

By comparison, only 1% believed they had waited too long for either. 

“Parents regret the technology they gave, not the technology they withheld.”
—Jonathan Haidt, Will Johnson, and Zack Rausch

The regret isn’t limited to parents. Thirty percent of Gen Z adults said they had access to smartphones too early, and 34% said the same about social media. Nearly half said they would not give their own children smartphones before high school.

So, what about the warnings that children who wait will fall behind, be left out, lose touch, or go overboard once they finally get access? Let’s take a closer look. In many cases, the opposite may be true.

Myth #1: Delaying a smartphone puts my child at a technological disadvantage

Knowing how to scroll, download an app, or navigate a familiar platform is not the same as understanding technology. And it’s certainly not the same as knowing how to think.

In a December 2025 episode of the Scrolling to Death podcast, neuroscientist and educator Jared Cooney Horvath discussed digital-literacy data across generations. Despite growing up with more technology, Gen Z performed worse than Millennials, and Gen Alpha performed worse than Gen Z. Gen X performed about as well as Gen Z, even though many members of Gen X did not encounter modern digital technology until adulthood.

In other words, simply spending more years with devices doesn’t appear to make children more technologically capable.

Horvath explains that teaching children how to use today’s tools may not prepare them for tomorrow’s tech. Apps, devices, and software change constantly. A child who only learns one tool will have to start over when that tool changes or becomes obsolete. 

But a child who learns how to think, recognize patterns, problem-solve, and adapt can transfer those skills to almost any kind of tech.

“Teach kids to think, and I guarantee they’ll be able to use tech. Teach kids to tech, and there’s no guarantee they’ll ever be able to think.” —Jared Horvath shared by Scrolling to Death 

Delaying a smartphone doesn’t mean keeping children away from tech altogether. They can learn to type, research, create presentations, code, and use the programs required for school without carrying an internet-connected entertainment device everywhere they go.

A smartphone only teaches a child how to use a smartphone.

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Myth #2: My child will be socially isolated without a smartphone

This may be the fear parents hear most often: Everyone else has a smartphone. Won’t my child be left out?

Phones can indeed help kids stay in touch. They may make it easy to coordinate plans, share jokes, and participate in group conversations.

But having constant access to other people is not the same as feeling genuinely connected. 

And not everyone who reaches out to a child online is a friend.

Social media, messaging apps, gaming chats, and disappearing-message platforms can give predators direct access to children. Delaying a smartphone reduces the number of years a young child must navigate these digital dangers.

Additionally, Haidt, Johnson, and Rausch note that the first generation raised with smartphones didn’t become better socially adjusted, as many adults once expected. Instead, growing concerns emerged about young people becoming more anxious, isolated, sedentary, and unable to focus. 

A smartphone can also quietly replace the experiences that help children build social confidence, including these important skills: 

• talking face-to-face, 
• reading another person’s expressions, 
• handling an awkward silence, 
• resolving disagreements, or 
• walking up to someone new and starting a conversation. 

Screen Kids co-author Arlene Pellicane cautions parents to consider what may receive less of a child’s attention when a phone is introduced too early:

“If your child is given a cell phone too soon, your child’s brain may become hardwired to their phone, instead of people, books, sports, hobbies, church, etc.”
—Arlene Pellicane in Just for You — October: What is the Right Age for a Cell Phone?

Rather than asking what benefits a smartphone can add, a more revealing question is: 

What will this phone replace—and who will it allow into my child’s life? 

Children without smartphones aren’t necessarily cut off from their friends, either. They can make plans at school, exchange parents' or home phone numbers, use a basic phone or smartwatch when communication is necessary, and spend time together in person.

Family smartphone hack: Families have successfully used a locked-down family smartphone that stays on the kitchen counter. Kids can text and call friends without carrying the phone into private spaces or everywhere else they go. 

Parents may need to be a little more involved in helping plans come together. But that extra effort can create more opportunities for real connection.

Delaying a smartphone won’t guarantee that a child never feels left out. No parenting decision can do that. But it can give children more time to develop friendships through school, sports, church, hobbies, neighborhoods, and time spent simply being together.

Myth #3: My child won't be able to communicate without a smartphone

Coaches, teachers, and church leaders love their apps and group chats. And sometimes it can feel like every child is expected to have a smartphone just to keep up.

But parents are allowed to push back.

One parent did exactly that when a church youth leader wanted to create a WhatsApp group. She politely—but firmly—explained her safety concerns and said the leader would need to include her instead of her child or text him separately.

And guess what? The leader changed the plan. The group switched to regular text messages, with parents included, and the family’s shared phone worked perfectly.

Sports communication can be handled the same way. One team uses SportsYou. Another uses Band. Then there’s Byga, Remind, GameChanger, TeamBuildr, and sometimes even Snapchat! Parents can simply put those apps on their own phones and pass along the important details:

Practice is at 5:00. 

Bring your uniform. 

The game moved to a different field.

And when a child needs to get in touch while they’re away from home, they can bring a smartwatch or ask a coach or trusted adult to borrow a phone.

It may take a little extra effort and a few polite conversations. But teachers, coaches and other community leaders can—and should—communicate in a way that doesn’t require every child to carry a smartphone.

Related: Swimming Upstream: How to Share Your Family's Media Standards with Other Parents

Myth #4: Waiting will make my child go overboard when they finally get a smartphone

Some parents worry that delaying a smartphone will only make it more irresistible later. They picture a “kid in a candy store” who finally gets access and immediately goes wild.

And honestly? That might happen for a little while.

But that doesn’t mean giving them unrestricted access years earlier would have been better.

In fact, earlier access may give a powerful, highly stimulating device more time to become a child’s default source of entertainment, comfort, and connection. And let’s not forget that it also puts pornography right in their pocket.

Smartphones and social media are remarkably effective attention-grabbers. Features such as endless scrolling, autoplay, notifications, likes, and personalized recommendations are designed to keep users coming back. And during the teen years, the brain is still developing. Especially the systems involved in judgment, impulse control, planning, and responding to rewards.

That makes adolescence an especially important time to protect. 

During adolescence, the brain strengthens frequently-used neural pathways and prunes others. Dr. Jay Giedd of the National Institute of Mental Health explained it this way:

“If a teen is doing music or sports or academics, those are the cells and connections that will be hardwired. If they’re lying on the couch or playing video games…those are the cells and connections that are going to survive.”
—Dr. Jay Giedd in PBS Frontline: Inside the Teenage Brain

In other words, the activities teens repeatedly practice help shape their developing brain. Even if an older teen goes a little crazy when a phone is first introduced, they have still spent those tender developmental years strengthening healthy pathways—through books, sports, music, hobbies, family relationships, church, face-to-face friendships, and plain old boredom.

Delaying a smartphone doesn’t mean raising a child who never wants the candy. Rather, it gives them time to develop a taste for plenty of other good things first. 

Related: Hey Kids! Freedom Begins in Your Brain

How to prepare your child for a smartphone

We say, “Delay is the way, but educate while you wait.”

Waiting doesn’t mean doing nothing. Use that time to strengthen your child’s defenses and build a gradual path toward healthy smartphone use. 

• Warn about pornography early. Use the Good Pictures Bad Pictures books to help children understand what pornography is, why it can capture the brain’s attention, and what to do when they see it.
• Talk about online predators and grooming. Help children recognize secrecy, manipulation, inappropriate requests, and fake identities. Learn more in The #1 Thing Kids Need to Know to Stop Grooming and Prevent Sexual Abuse.
• Choose the simplest device that meets the need. A landline, smartwatch, or shared family cell phone provides communication without opening every door at once. 
• Add access gradually. Don’t treat the first phone as an all-or-nothing decision. Add browsers, apps, social media, and greater privacy only as your older teen demonstrates readiness.

More tools for your family

• Better Than A Smartphone: 17 Fun Devices for Music, Photos, Calls and More
• Navigating the Smartphone Decision: How One Family Found a Balanced Solution With the Bark Phone
• Digital Safety Planner
• Good Pictures Bad Pictures book series

You’re allowed to wait

There is no perfect age that guarantees a child will use a smartphone safely. Children mature at different rates, families have different needs, and even a carefully prepared teen will probably make mistakes.

But pressure is not readiness.

Your child’s friends having smartphones does not mean your child needs one. 

A coach choosing an app does not make a smartphone mandatory. 

And another parent’s decision doesn’t have to become your deadline.

A smartphone can wait.