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Prepare Kids to Reject Pornography

How Do Kids Find Porn? Top 10 Ways in 2023

Defend Young Minds Staff

January 3, 2023

How do kids find porn? It’s not hard. Porn and predators are everywhere. They haunt the digital spaces where kids play. Big tech companies have done little to curb access and so kids are exposed–often accidentally–to traumatizing, sexually violent material. 

Below we’re sharing with you the Top 10 Ways kids are finding porn–accidentally or on purpose. Much of this is not new, but worth repeating as it’s so common and there may be places you haven’t thought of. Some will surprise you–especially newer issues like #9 and #10. We also give you actions you can take to mitigate each of those risks.

But we want to stress that the two best ways to defend your child against the harms of pornography are 

1. Develop a strong and loving bond with your child so they know you are someone with whom it’s safe to discuss difficult topics.

2. Talk with your child about the harms of pornography early and often. The goal is to start talking with them about it before they are exposed.

Kids need to know

  • an age-appropriate definition of pornography,
  • why it’s harmful, and
  • a plan for when they are exposed to it.

Not sure where to start? You’re not alone. That’s why we work hard to provide parents with resources for talking with their kids about pornography. Check out our resources below:

  • How to Talk To Kids About Pornography: A free instant download that will help you get started.
  • Good Pictures Bad Pictures Jr.: A Simple Plan to Protect Young Minds: Even young children have access to the internet and they deserve to be armed early against its dangers. This read-aloud book for ages 3-6 will help you start the conversation in an easy and age-appropriate way.
  • Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today’s Young Kids A read-aloud book for ages 7-11 that makes talking to your kids about pornography natural and comfortable. It features easy-to-understand science and simple analogies to help your child develop defenses against the harms of pornography. Are your kids older than 11? Many parents still use the concepts from the book as a basis for talking to their older kids. In fact, we know therapists who use the book with their adult clients.
  • Brain Defense: Digital Safety: Arm your kids with the best kid-to-kid digital safety program using our entertaining videos, engaging workbooks, and family activities to protect kids ages 7-11 from online dangers. 

1. Kids find porn on social media–including apps you might not suspect

This continues to be the top place that kids find porn–by accident and on purpose. Yet, many parents are still unaware of just how big this problem is. We recently spoke with a mom of five teen boys who agreed how important it is to talk with kids about the harms of pornography. Two minutes later when something was mentioned about porn on Instagram she said, “Wait! There’s porn on Instagram?!” 

This was a mom who understands the harms of pornography, but still had no clue how much it has infiltrated mainstream society.

‍Every social media app we have seen has a potential to lead kids to porn and predators. If users can upload content in any form–images or text–there’s definitely porn there.

Popular apps like TikTok, Snapchat, Instagram,  and YouTube are full of it. But did you know that kids are also accessing porn on Pinterest? Most parents don’t think of Pinterest as social media, but anything that’s on the internet has the potential to be on there. Read here about how one teen’s porn addiction started with Pinterest. 

We even had a mom recently tell us how her daughter had connected with strangers on community forums within the FitBit app. These strangers convinced the daughter to give them her name, hometown, school and a way to contact her in a messaging app where she could receive images from them.

Parents, please understand that just because you don’t see porn in your social media feed, doesn’t mean it’s not going to be in your child’s social media feed. Even if they’ve never looked for it. The algorithms are designed to serve up content to each user based on their demographics. The goal behind the algorithm is to engage the user so they will stay on social media longer. This is why porn will be more likely to show up in your 15 year old son’s social media feed than in yours–again, even if he has never searched for porn.

Learn more

Take action

  • Delay social media access. Most social media apps require you to be at least 13 to make an account. But we would encourage you to look at the dangers to kids and wait as long as you possibly can. The older they are when they start using social media, the better judgment they may have.
  • If your child already has social media, discuss what they’re seeing and how it makes them feel. Is it making their life better? Encourage them to try giving up social media for a week to see if it changes how they feel. Or talk with them about deleting the apps altogether. To learn more about how to have a productive conversation with your kids about deleting social media, see this article and this article.
  • If you feel your teen is ready for social media, talk to them about the dangers. They need to know what they might encounter and have a plan for how to handle those situations. Here are some documentaries about social media and pornography to watch together to help your teen understand some of what they may encounter: The Social Dilemma, Childhood 2.0, and Brain, Heart, World.
  • When you introduce your child to social media, be aware that you’re not going to see everything they are seeing or posting. In addition to the sheer volume of content that is impossible to stay on top of, features like deleting posts/messages, vanishing posts/messages, the ability to restrict who can see an individual post, etc. there is no way for you to see and monitor it all. The Canopy internet filter does a great job of blocking porn if you’re using social media via a web browser instead of an app. Bark can report dangerous things it sees within some apps. Those tools are helpful, but be aware they are not foolproof.

2. Kids find porn in their own homes

We all take precautions to make our homes a place of safety, yet one of the most common places for kids to be exposed to pornography is in our own homes. We have so many connected devices that it’s difficult to make sure all our bases are covered. 

To ensure safety, every device in the home needs to be set up with parental controls and/or filters, as well as every app on those devices. After set up, devices and apps still need to be checked periodically as updates will sometimes alter settings. 

And even then it’s fallible. Parental controls and filters have their limitations. Inappropriate content still makes it through–sometimes by accident and sometimes by curious kids who are good at finding ways around restrictions. It’s extremely overwhelming.

Parents often overlook their own phones as portals to porn for their children. Many parents hand their own phone to young children to keep them entertained for a moment. The kid starts swiping randomly and can easily end up with inappropriate content. If you're going to hand your phone to your kid, it's important to make sure you have safety measures set up on there as well.

‍Learn more

‍Take action

  • Keep a list of all connected devices in the home. Here are some devices to consider–smartphones, tablets, smartwatches, internet-capable flip phones, televisions, desktop computers, laptops and Chromebooks (including school issued ones), smart assistants (like Amazon Alexa and Google Home), gaming systems (like PlayStation, Nintendo, XBox), etc. People commonly overlook devices they have lying around that they aren’t using–like old phones, laptops, tablets, etc. Be sure to add those to your list or get them out of the house.
  • Set up parental controls/filters for each device.  For help with this, check out our free Digital Safety Planner.
  • Keep devices in common areas. One of the best precautions you can take is to keep digital devices out of private spaces like bedrooms and bathrooms (including friends’ devices when they are visiting). 
  • Give devices a bedtime. Another rule we highly recommend is to have all mobile devices charging at night in the parents’ bedroom. This significantly reduces the chance of exposure to pornography and predators along with a host of other problems. We also recommend turning off the WiFi at night.

3. Kids are finding porn on their own smartphone (or secret burner phone)

Porn in a pocket. There are just so many access points on a smartphone that make it way too easy for porn and predators to get by even the most observant parents. 

Here are just a few:

  • Social media (this one is the worst offender–which is why we gave it its own section above)
  • Video games (we’ve also given this one it’s own section below)
  • Web browsers 
  • Access to the internet in nearly every app (No browser needed. For example, did you know if you search for PornHub in Google Maps you can see user uploaded photos and get to PornHub’s website via a link within the app?)
  • Sending nudes via messaging app or AirDrop
  • Document sharing like Google Drive

An easy way for teens to get around parental controls that goes largely undetected is to use a secret burner phone. Traditionally, a burner phone is a cheap phone with prepaid minutes that doesn’t require a contract. However, teens are also using those old smartphones that have been tossed in a drawer for all the things they don’t want their parents to see (or they get an old one from a friend). They just connect to WiFi wherever they’re at and they can use the device with zero parental controls.

Many parents are turning to Apple Watches as an alternative to smartphones, but be aware that even an Apple Watch can access porn.

Learn more

Take action

  • Use a tiered approach to introducing tech to your kids. We recommended starting with kids’ smartwatches, then moving on to a safe smartphone. Check out our guides on watches and safe phones.
  • Before you give your child access to a smartphone, make sure they are ready for the responsibility. Download our free guide: Is My Child Ready for a Smartphone?
  • If your child has a smartphone, be sure to set up parental controls, filters, and time limits to make it as safe as possible. Utilize our favorite tools like Apple Screen Time, Google Family Link, Bark and Canopy. To learn more about how to set up your child’s smartphone to be as safe as possible, download our free Digital Safety Planner.
  • Set boundaries, make them clear, and stick to them. As mentioned before, our top two rules are to only allow device use in common areas of the home and have all devices charging in the parents’ bedroom at night.
  • If you suspect your child might be using a burner phone, you can check to see which devices are connected to your Wi-Fi network. It’s also a good practice to change your WiFi password often, not allow your kids to know the password, and turn the WiFi off at night.

4. Kids find porn on video and music streaming services

Although this one usually falls within the home, it deserves special attention. 

Streaming media has become largely, well, mainstream, if you’ll pardon the pun. Unfortunately, so has the explicit content on these services. Parents have come to expect this from TikTok and YouTube, the most popular video platforms for teens, but now even Disney+ has R-rated content and plans to add more in the future. 

Though many services provide a way to create a “kid profile” or block explicit content, these filters don’t always work the way you think. For example, we received an email from a parent letting us know that explicit shows appear in search results on the Roku Channel, even when playing them is blocked. Though kids can’t play the shows in question, the descriptions and previews give them pornographic vocabulary to search for elsewhere.

Music streaming services are not immune. Spotify’s explicit content filter fails to block many songs, playlists, and podcasts that are pornographic because it relies on creators to self-identify explicit content. Amazon Music’s filters can’t be placed under password protection, so kids can easily disable them from the Alexa app. You need to be aware that these services cannot be relied on to protect your kids without direct, frequent involvement from you.

Learn more

Take action

  • Enable filters on all streaming services and lock your account with a pin. Even though they aren’t perfect, filters are an important first line of defense for preventing pornography from invading your home.
  • Consider where and when your kids are streaming. Limit streaming to devices in public areas of the house. Set your internet router to turn off at a certain time of night.
  • Use a service like Bark to monitor the lyrics in your child’s music on Spotify. Talk with your teen about what you notice. Or consider using a Gabb phone with Gabb Music, which has a human-curated list of appropriate songs.

5. Kids find porn on other kids’ devices and homes

Even if your child doesn’t have a smartphone, that doesn’t mean they won’t be exposed to pornography through one. Unless you plan to raise your child in a bubble, cut off from every outside human on the planet, it’s likely that porn can find your kid through other children’s smartphones. 

Let’s look at a few sobering stats: 

  • 95% of teens now have smartphones according to a Pew Research finding.
  • Between 2015 and 2021, smartphone use almost doubled among 8-,9- and 10-year-olds according to a Common Sense Media study.
  • In 2021, 71% of 12-year-olds used cell phones, up from 41% in 2015 according to the same study.
  • 31% of 8-year-olds have smartphones according to MarketingCharts.com.

So lots of kids have access to pornography through smartphones and social media. (Most social media platforms have policies stating that you must be 13 to open an account, but they make no attempt to verify ages so it’s easy for kids to lie and set up an account.)

Kids like to share new things they’ve discovered and that’s why they often share pornography with each other. 

One mom pulled up to pick up her young daughters from a playdate. She saw them in the front yard looking at their friend’s phone. When they got into the car, she asked them, “What was she showing you on her phone?” The young girls looked at each other and then the older one said, “She was showing us some My Little Pony videos.” At that time, this mom didn’t know to be worried about phones. Several months later, after reading Good Pictures Bad Pictures to her daughters, they told the truth–their friend had been showing them pornography that day, not My Little Pony videos. 

Take action:

  • Talk to the parents of your kids’ friends about your plans to keep kids safe from digital dangers. For ideas on safe playdates, read this article. For more ways to share your media standards with other parents, read this article.
  • Share your tech rules with your babysitters. For 5 great tips, read this article. 

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6. Kids find porn at their grandparents’ and other family members’ homes

Sad to say, but grandparents’ homes can be an easy place for kids to gain access to porn. We’ve heard many sad stories to confirm this truth. 

‍First, grandparents may not have WiFi filtering in place, so if grandkids bring their own devices, the WiFi may let them explore XXX websites that aren’t blocked–and then just erase their history before they bring the device back home. 

‍Second, parental controls may not be set up on a grandparents’ TV, computer or tablet. 

‍Third, some grandparents are simply unaware of the digital dangers. I’ve met many grandparents (and parents for that matter) who had no idea how prevalent porn is and how easy it is to access in just a few clicks or taps. 

‍Take action:‍

7. Kids find porn through online gaming and video game consoles with internet access

This one is multi-layered. 

Here are some concerns to consider with video games:

  • Connections with strangers. A huge problem with many video games is that kids are connecting and interacting with strangers in the game. The chat feature of many games can be extremely inappropriate for kids. It leaves them open to exposure to sexually explicit content and predators. Predators often convince kids to give them information on how to connect outside of the game. If you do a search for "Roblox + Kidnapping" you'll find several stories of how kids were lured by predators through the popular kids' gaming platform Roblox.
  • Sexual interaction. Due to the free play structure of many popular games, some games even allow for characters to interact sexually (even in games you wouldn’t consider like Fortnite, Minecraft and Roblox). 
  • Access to outside websites. Kids can get to popular porn sites like Pornhub directly through gaming consoles like Xbox, PlayStation, and Nintendo Switch.
  • Inappropriate ads. If your child is playing a free online game or app, there’s a good chance of being exposed to ads for sexually explicit content–even if the game itself is totally fine. 
  • Sexual objectification. Many of the video games for older kids and teens (and the ones rated adult that many teens are playing) are full of sexual objectification--mostly of females. Often, female characters are scantily clad and their bodies are disproportionate to emphasize the body in a sexual way. 

Learn more

Take action

  • Carefully vet each game before allowing kids to play (and review those they are already playing). To help you review video games, check out this article and this article. 
  • Have a discussion about objectification. One of the most harmful aspects of pornography is that it teaches that people are objects to be used for sexual gratification rather than humans to be loved and cared for. When we objectify someone, we don’t consider their needs, wants, personality, or inner life. Objectification increases instances of sexual violence. Talk about how the game treats other players. Would they want their mother/sister/cousin to be treated that way?

8. Kids are finding porn at school

We hear many reports in which kids are exposed to pornography and other inappropriate content at school. While there are some things schools can do to mitigate this, we also acknowledge they are up against a Herculean task on top of all of their other responsibilities.

Here are a few of the ways kids are exposed to porn at schools:

  • Accessing porn on their own device during school while away from their parents’ watchful eye.
  • Being exposed through another child’s device. The playground and bus ride are the most common times for this to happen.
  • Finding porn on school-issued devices. A lot of parents assume that because the school gave their child a device, it will be safe. Not necessarily the case. One mother told us of how a student in her daughter’s first grade class was watching a pornographic video on Netflix during class on a school-issued Chromebook. And we’ve seen first hand how kids have access to erotic lit on school library apps. Kids will also use Google Docs or other school apps to send messages and links to each other that they don’t want their parents to see.

‍Learn more

Take action

  • Make sure your child’s school-issued device is as safe as possible. Download our free Digital Safety Planner for tips on how to do this.
  • Practice with your child using this role play: Pretend you’re a classmate and say to your child, “Hey, I wanna show you something on my phone!” Teach your child to respond by asking, “What do you want to show me?” That arms your kid with a barrier. If the classmate says anything like “naked people,” your child can learn to say, “No, I’m not into that.” In any case, asking “What” can give your child an extra second or two to prepare to turn away.
  • Ask your child's teacher what the protocol is if a child finds pornography or other inappropriate images on a school device. Then make sure your child knows exactly what to do.
  • Speak up! If you hear or see something inappropriate, speak up! Do so in a respectful manner, acknowledging teachers and administrators have a difficult job and the vast majority are doing their best to keep kids’ best interests in mind. You’re all on the same team. See this article for tips on how to approach the topic.

9. Kids find porn on VR 

Virtual reality gaming is rapidly becoming more accessible as the price for headsets drops and more games and software are developed. Some of these games are massively-multiplayer, second life-type experiences, which encourage interactions between strangers online. 

Many games failed to plan for the prevention of bad behavior by users; for example, early users of Meta’s Horizon Worlds game reported fending off repeated attempts at virtual groping and sexual propositioning. And the game’s age limit hasn’t prevented many adults from letting kids play around in the game on their accounts, making it an easy place for predators to target kids.

Because of the immersive nature of virtual reality, a traumatic experience like sexual assault will be psychologically closer to reality than a similar experience on a regular laptop screen. Though VR research is still emerging, there are indications that kids and younger teens have a hard time telling the difference between things that happened in a VR game and things that happened in real life. And because the screen isn’t visible to anyone else, it’s difficult to know what content your child is being exposed to.

Learn more

Take action

  • We recommend keeping young kids out of virtual reality, especially games that involve interaction with real people. Treat it like a chat room, not a video game.
  • Educate yourself and your teens about the personal safety features of the virtual reality games you use, such as the personal boundary in Horizon Worlds.

10: Kids find porn through AI-generated art--including new technology like the Lensa app

AI-generated art is fraught with ethical issues, given that it trains on and imitates art from creators without their permission or compensation. Even more concerning is how quickly and easily these apps can generate pornography, using the faces of both fictional characters and real people. This kind of non-consensual pornography used to require professional skills and expensive software; now ordinary people can create it with only a few clicks. 

At the end of 2022, an app called Lensa rocketed to the top of the AppStore charts. Though Lensa was intended to create ethereal fantasy or sci-fi themed avatars, many outlets are reporting that it's quite easy to bypass the app’s NSFW filters and create softcore porn of almost anyone. At least one company is working to figure out how to train other AI to generate better porn and make a profit from it. And though some companies are considering the ethical dilemmas of easy porn generation, right now most software relies on users’ self-policing, which is largely circumvented or ignored.

Also of concern is the privacy policy. While Lensa agrees it won’t use or sell users’ uploaded images, it makes no such promises about the images the app generates from users' faces. Meaning your child’s face could turn up anywhere.

‍Learn more

Take action

  • We don’t recommend the Lensa app for minors given that it could create inappropriate content with images they upload and the fact that Lensa could sell or distribute those images.
  • Talk with your kids about the ethics of AI-generated art and non-consensual porn.
  • Make sure that social media is set to private and only friend those whom you trust. Check your teen’s social media as well. AI-generated pornography can happen with just 15 ordinary pictures.

Help your kids develop an internal filter

All of this can seem really overwhelming. That’s why we can’t stress enough the importance of helping kids develop an internal filter. This requires investing time into developing your relationship with your child and teaching them about the harms of pornography before the porn industry teaches them a different message (see the top of this article for resources to help you do this). The problem is huge, but we can arm our kids with the defenses they need to reject pornography and all the ways it can harm them.

Good Pictures Bad Pictures

Porn-Proofing Today’s Young Kids

"I really like the no-shame approach the author takes. It's so much more than just 'don't watch or look at porn.' It gave my children a real understanding about the brain and its natural response to pornography, how it can affect you if you look at it, and how to be prepared when you do come across it (since, let's face it... it's gonna happen at some point)." -Amazon Review by D.O.

Learn more or buy

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